My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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