Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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