i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
