If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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