no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
