I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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