Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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