Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize