Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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