I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
