You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just gift wrapped bread.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
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Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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