Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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