the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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