No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
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This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
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Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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