All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Boobs are out for the taking
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
