Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
