If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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