i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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