Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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