It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
