Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
