I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you win again, gameday.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
