That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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