Don't you send me to vm
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
