So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
