We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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