I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
