'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
