I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
