my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
