I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
