why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
