Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
