between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
