You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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