I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
