Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
