Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize