I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
