3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No subtext here. People are naked.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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