You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
