This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
