my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
