just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
