guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
