i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
