how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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