This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
