I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
