I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
