so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
