Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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