so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
