Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
