Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
