I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
