Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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