If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
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Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
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