Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
