i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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