My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
