This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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