A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
