remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
