We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
