Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
