I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
