batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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