Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
