Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
