I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
