I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
