She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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