giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
